How to drive in Malaysia

Posted: 5th October 2009 by Jacky Yong in Computers
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The below is a representation of how one should NOT do in Malaysia, but for reasons quite unknown, has become a standard for everyone to adhere to while driving in Malaysia. Foreigners driving on Malaysian road, you will find this guide very informative!

1.  Turn on those hazard lights in the rain and in the fog to remind other drivers that you are there. Turning on your headlights just ain’t enough. You need to be constantly be reminded that it is dangerous driving in this condition with the “tick-tock-tick-tock” sound coming from the indicator lights. It also soothes your sense of insecurities.

2. On the contrary with the above, DO NOT turn on your hazard lights when you stationary on the road shoulder. If you do that, people will think that it is raining heavily or really foggy.

3. There is this long queue waiting at the traffic lights. And there is a sliproad leading out to the left where there is no need to wait for the traffic lights. What would be the best way to skip the jam? Use the slip road, drive allllll the way towards the junction, and at the last minute, cut into the queue. Ignore all angry honks and fuming stares from other road

4. Indicator lights are for sissies. When you want to turn, just turn. No need to use the indicator. They reveal your combat driving strategy. Especially when you are doing number 3 above.

5. If you are following someone doing number 3 above, and you actually want to turn left, put your hands ready at the honk. When you see some asshole blocking your road because he got stuck trying to cut in the queue, honk the mutherfakker out of his brains!

6. The road sign that says “90” means, drive at a minimum of 90 km/h, you slow fuck!

7. Got accident on the emergency lane? Ehhhh can see what is the car plate number ar? Got people die ar? So many tow cars wan, do they need help?

8. Got accident on the OPPOSITE side of the road? Ehhhh can see what is the car plate number ar? Got people die ar? So many tow cars wan, do they need help?

9. If you are driving a big car, and you are driving at the highway at 180 km/h (as usual), shine your high beam to that damn car that is moving at 120 km/h in front of you. Who cares if he is overtaking another car. I own the bloody road! Ditto if you are driving a Singaporean car. Stupid Malaysian police can’t track me down when I’m back in Singapore anyway.

And lastly if all fails, use the international sign language of friendship.